It had been about a month and a half with my son doing chemistry without the help of a tutor. It was not going well.
I started the research to find a new tutor. The first lead fizzled out, the high schooler my son wanted to tutor with was too lax about setting appointments and then the sessions did not happen. My son was struggling.
A mom I know whose children use public school referred me to a tutor. I interviewed her and discussed the situation and my son had his first session with her last week. My son's initial reaction to hearing of this appointment was, "No I am not going." This is in line with the behaviors of late which are basically every symptom of ODD (which I have tried to restrain from discussing on my blog in detail).
I think we have found a true gem with this teacher. She is a bio-chemist who is the mother of a child with a gifted and talented label who attended a top GT magnet school. She helped form a new GT school and wound up teaching science courses there. She understands GT and 2e. She understands kids who thrive with hands on work but who cannot stand textbook studies. She understands divergent thinkers. She likes and gets boys. She presently teaches college science courses and has access to the classrooms and labs.
On the drive to the first session my son was angry and uncooperative but after the interview session he opened up. Before the session was over he was smiling and laughing at her stories and explanations. He was telling her stories and she was laughing and smiling at him. When I saw this from across the room I actually teared up. I don't know if everyone can understand what it is like when you have a smart kid who struggles to learn and who acts oppositional and resists help and is performing under their ability level. It is like watching a train wreck unfolding in slow motion. When I saw my son reacting positively, the feeling of hope flooded over me.
I had discussed over the phone, and the three of us discussed in person that studying is required for all students. Nearly everyone must work to memorize terms. A basic understanding is not good enough, you have to put in time to memorize and be able to spit out the correct answer on tests, whether it is multiple choice, fill in the blank or open ended questioning.
My son has this idea that normal kids hear things once and memorize them instantly. He thinks that smart kids never study. He thinks that he is stupid because he doesn't instantly memorize every single thing. Once I figured out this was his line of thinking I began trying to convince him of his error and tell him what it is like for kids (and adults). He did not believe me. The tutor explained it also. Maybe she can get through to him? I hope she can convince my son of the need to study being normal because the statement of late is that my son hates this kind of learning and is considering doing something else with his life that is more enjoyable than taking courses to finish high school or attending college. At the end of the session she encouraged him to study with flascards or the online flash card type system and to take sample tests for practice to see where his weaknesses lay.
A change as of this month is that my husband and I are buckling down more with our son to make him study more. There is no point in shelling out a lot of money for private tutoring if our son refuses to do the necessary studying that must be done in order to complete the learning process and to get grades above an F or D.
If my son does poorly on this course overall we have informed him that he may have to retake the entire course again for a higher grade, and at his expense, in order to have a good enough grade when applying to college for a STEM major. We have been going easy on him since he has new symptoms as a result of neurological damage from Lyme Disease and since he had a concussion, and since he has been under treatment for those. But he is in the third quarter now and it is time to get serious and do what it takes to learn the material. Just being lazy and refusing to do the work is no longer going to be allowed. Period.