Forgive me if this seems rambling, I am thinking out loud here.
When thinking of homeschooling success do you think of just academics?
Some of us look to the whole child to assess if homeschooling is working or not. Two simple examples are if a homeschooler is excelling academically but is lonely, or if they do not have access to a sport (or insert any other extra-curricular school based activity due to homeschooling).
However have you wondered if parents of schooled kids look to the whole child when determining if school is working? Do parents of schooled kids separate out school for academics only? Should homeschoolers look only to academics to deem their child a homeschool success?
Some homeschooling parents (like me) hope they can find a perfect balance to have optimal conditions all the time for their kids such as a good family life, good learning happening, and great extra-curricular activities as well as feeling happy with one's social life and friendships. Heck throw in the state of being in good physical shape and eating well nutrition-wise and it would make a perfect life, wouldn't it?
Are homeschooling parents being too hard on themselves if they are able to produce kids who are learning and are learning high quality stuff yet wish they had access to (insert an extra-curricular activity or some other thing that people complain that homeschooling does not always produce). A problem with this is that it is an entirely unrealistic expectation.
Show me any kid who every single year has perfection in every area I just listed. I bet one does not exist.
Show me any adult who is doing fantastic in every single area. I don't think any exist. Maybe this is just a people thing, it is just how life is, no matter if you are a child or a teen or an adult?
At any given point in time people, young and old, struggle with various things and feel they are failing at achieving the ever-elusive balance. It seems that in my own life I am always happy with somethings, neutral about others, and working at fixing something else that I'm not satisfied with. Just when one thing gets fixed and in a good state something else crops up that's a problem or a struggle. So why would I expect that my ever-changing, ever-developing, hormonal tween and teenaged kid would be "in balance" all the time?
I was thinking about a book I read years ago The Adversity Quotient which stated that not stellar experiences in life and also bad circumstances and even neglect can and have produced fantastic high-achieving people of character who had great adult lives. This makes me think that my bending over backwards to create some ultimate fantastic life for my kids is stupid and may even have unintended negative consequences of creating over-indulged, ungrateful brats (or something else, I am sure you can make a list of possibilities).
When parents of schooled kids can list off multiple challenges or imperfect circumstances their kids endure at school why do homeschool parents feel badly when their homeschool is less than perfect? Compare the complaints a homeschooled kids may have to what schooled kids complain about and they are apples to oranges. The examples that come to my mind are complaints of an over-indulged cushy lifestyle homeschooled kids which are really a joke and things that other kids would never complain about. I know my own kids have complained of certain things to their friends and the schooled kids scoffed and laughed at them. "I have to get up at 7:30 a.m." and "The science textbook is boring." To this the schooled kid says they get up at 5:30 a.m. and they have never met a textbook that was not boring, and they have them in all subjects for years when my kid is dealing with the first one in grade nine.
This leads me back to what I was thinking about years ago with that chapter in the book The Over-Scheduled Child (formerly published as Hyperparenting) which said that the adversity that kids face in school and in life builds character and helps kids develop and grow. The authors accused that parents who seek to insulate their children from feeling any negativity are actually harming them as they wind up not learning to deal with negativity. It is as if those kids are stunted in their development.
I am thinking of these things as my younger son asks to go to school as he is lonely, even though his sports schedule is increasing greatly as of July 2012 to start to do a four season sport. That will provide not only a full sports schedule and provide physical exercise that will provide "happy brain chemicals" but will create more chances for friendship making and fun social times. If his academics are just fine with homeschooling then why enroll him into school? If this sports thing will end the lonliness than there is no reason to start using school, right? He's also continuing with regular Boy Scout meeting and camping experiences so he'll continue to have friends and fun times there.