Since moving far away last summer my younger son has struggled the most with loneliness. He refused many opportunities to do academic things with the local homeschool community so he had a direct hand in being the most isolated in the last year than he has ever been in his life.
Sports is big in Texas but it is mainly centered at public school. The huge schools are highly competitive so it is hard to do a sport there too, so I hear from parents in town. The light lacrosse program my son did was so structured that there was no time for much a social interaction that could lead to friendship. They can barely ever talk since they are spread out on the field, so they can't develop a relationship with each other. Our options are limited because we homeschool.
Homeschool park day yielded two nice kids but they were obsessed with playing football on a poor field area where my son kept injuring himself, twisting ankles every week. Thhat hindered his ability to play lacrosse! He had nothing in common with them for conversation so the friendships went nowhere. Kids need commonalities to get close.
If nothing else kids who spend time together wind up sharing experiences that help form bonds. For many school provides that opportunity. If school is not in a child's life you have to work harder to make opportunities. Doing that is hard when a homeschooler moveslong distance.
The neighborhood kids in the rental house place are latchkey kids of single parent homes. The parents are never around so I could never even introduce myself but those kids wanted my son to be unsupervised with them in their homes. The kids were rude idiots who were immature. They do no extracurricular activities and have too much time on their hands. So when my son came home from there one day asking if my friends ever offered me drugs and asking how I should handle such a thing I was suspicious of what was really going on over there. My son chose to not see them after that which was a relief because I would have been the one to try to stop the relationships from developing. The only time the parent is seen is standing in driveways drinking beer at parties the neighbors throw. Yes I was living in a place where adults party on weeknights drinking beer and liming up the empties in a row to put on display. I am unaccustomed to living with neighbors like that and can't wait to move out of that area.
My son loved seeing his old homeschool friends and his old neighbor friends when we visited. He came alive. He is an extrovert. I hoped he would feel rejuvenated and happy. Instead as soon as we were alone he responded by saying he felt like he was moving all over again when he had to say goodbye. He said he was not looking forward to going back to Texas where he would be friendless again.
I need to find my son some friends who are similar to him, mature and smart, who are not using drugs or alcohol yet who are allowed to do age appropriate things, not still watching only G-rated movies or banned from reading Harry Potter or banned from wTching any TV. He needs to find peers with whom he has common interests.
As I write this I am tempted to put him into public school. We cannot afford private school so that is not an option. I do not worry that he would flunk an entrance exam to the most rigorous private school.
At present my main concern for public school are low standards academically but I guess if we push for all honors classes it may work. My son has great potential but if he is allowed to slack he is all too happy to relax back and perform at a lower level. I am also concerned about the high use of drugs in junior high. I am told pot is all through the grade 5-6 school -- so much for isolating kids from older ones to protect them.
On the good side, if he enters at grade 7 that is when all the others are coming into that junior high school so most kids are strangers to each other, it is an easier segue. He would have opportunities for many sports and clubs as well as academic competitions such as the Intel science fair, things which no local homeschoolers do. I believe he would have access to honors classes. I would need to discuss this with school staff or research more myself by reading the lengthy materials they provide parents online. Lastly, by being in a big pond he would have more chances to find friends who he likes and who share common interests.
I have no doubt in my mind that my younger son could handle the academics and social climate of any school. I just don't know if public school is a place that will allow him to thrive academically. At this point I am contemplating balancing the needs of the whole child with the risk of lowering his intellectual potential. Is it better to be a lonely and unhappy smart kid who is well prepared for the college major of his choice or to be a mentally stable, happy, thriving kid who may wind up being Average Joe generic looking on paper kid who blends in with the giant crowd and who may not have all the possible doors open to him?
As I write this I am leaning toward doing what it takes to help my child be mentally well and feel willing to take a risk with academics. Who knows maybe down the line he would gain admittance to a magnet school or maybe my husband will get a raise and we could afford one of the local rigorous academic classical model schools.
If you could see the difference in my son when he is laughing with good friends and when he is at home doing lessons alone or bickering with his teenaged hormone surging brother you may understand where I am coming from. Homeschooling for me now is very different than the joy-filled easier days of the younger years. It is not the same - it is harder and less fulfilling for me which means my own energy and motivation to keep doing a good job on my end is compromised. Maybe the homeschool journey with is my younger son is over.
I can't wait for my husband to be available so we can discuss this. Writing this was like therapy for me to help me work my thoughts out. This is one of those seldom-discussed topics in homeschool circles. I wish more people would talk about situations like these. Please consider leaving a comment is you have any words of wisdom to share.